One explanation is that our society is experiencing a contraction of intimacy. It's not that desire is absent—it's that the space for desire to flow naturally, with a sense of boundaries and ease, has become extremely narrow .
People either suppress themselves entirely, pretending to be “desireless”; or when they do express themselves, it slides into two extremes: approaching with heavy purpose, or being off-puttingly crude. The middle layer—the most normal and tender part—“I am attracted to you, but I don't have to have you; I acknowledge my desire, but I respect you as a whole person”—disappears .
How does this repression affect relationships?
In long-term partnerships, this predicament can manifest as: both partners fear that voicing new needs will trigger conflict or rejection, so they choose silence. Over time, communication is reduced to logistics—kids, bills, chores. Intimacy sits forgotten in a corner, gathering dust.
How to rediscover the ability to “talk properly”?
Start with two small things. First, swap “you” for “I”—instead of “You never care about me,” try “I feel a bit lonely when you're on your phone all evening.” Second, in a low-pressure setting, casually discuss each other's “wants” and “don'ts.” Intimacy products can serve as a neutral, even playful, icebreaker—when you browse or discuss them together, the conversation shifts from “we have a problem” to “what can we explore together.”