This article is for those who are willing to give of themselves, to make their partner feel good, and who are willing to use their hands to get her wet and finger her to orgasm.
For guys: read it and go practice. For girls: read it and know how to ask for what you want and how to guide. Good for both men and women to read.
It'll be very direct: clitoris, foreskin, G-spot, feeling of needing to pee, pelvic floor contractions.
Only discussing consensual adults. When she says stop, you stop. If it hurts, you stop. If you can't cut your nails smooth, don't put your fingers inside. Try scratching the inside of your mouth with your nail—it'll give you mouth ulcers the same way.
The core of fingering is how to give a clitoral orgasm, how to work the G-spot, and how to make her have a vaginal orgasm (extremely, extremely difficult). A lot of people only know how to poke their fingers into the hole, might even have the G-spot direction backwards, and still pressure their partner every day to say she feels great and that she came. That's really pathetic.
BTW: Female orgasm works the same as for guys—you first have to get past a threshold. This is called the plateau phase, where it keeps building. If the threshold is never crossed, you never get there. Forcing it doesn't help. First get the foreplay and external genital care right, so she can actually feel good.
Female external genital anatomy diagram
The main battlefield for fingering is usually the clitoral glans; the rough area on the anterior wall is discussed further inside.
Before you start, treat her like a human being
Cut your nails, file them smooth, wash your hands. The inner edge of a nail scraping mucosa will really hurt her. If you have wounds on your hands, dirty nail crevices, or just touched the anus without washing, don't go into the vagina. Treat your wife with extreme gentleness.
Have lube ready. Water-based lube is recommended. If her own natural lubrication is enough, great. Dry rubbing the clitoris or dry fingering inside is no different from sanding with sandpaper. Saliva can work as an emergency substitute, but the amount usually isn't enough, and in my experience saliva still isn't enough as lube.
Position doesn't matter much. She needs to lie steady, her pelvic floor able to relax, a thin pillow under her lower back, hips slightly raised. You can lie on your side or kneel to one side, shoulders not locked up. At least free up one hand: to rub the clitoris, spread the labia, interlace fingers, or press her lower belly. She can clamp her legs or push you away at any time, so you can feel normal feedback, whether positive or negative.
Cold hands going straight in with no warm-up is very wrong. You need to build the mood first. It's normal for women's emotions and desire to be connected. If you go straight in with two fingers pumping hard, completely ignore the clitoris, and act like a pile driver before she's even wet, it's normal if she breaks up with you.
Three types of orgasm
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Clitoral orgasm: the main pathway. There IS a refractory period!! During the refractory period the clitoral glans is extremely sensitive, similar to how you feel after ejaculation—even a touch is uncomfortable. Dense nerves. Most people get there through this. With the right technique, it's repeatable and trainable. The refractory period is shorter than a guy's; after about 5 minutes she can have consecutive orgasms.
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G-spot orgasm: about 2–3 cm inside the vaginal opening on the anterior wall (toward the lower belly), that rough area, when hooked correctly, may produce a strong feeling of needing to pee, deep swelling, and squirting-like secretions. Some people reach orgasm from this, and the refractory period is shorter, with better effects.
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Vaginal orgasm: a low-probability event. A whole stack of conditions, arousal at its peak + hitting the right spot. It's extremely, extremely difficult.
You can just give her a clitoral orgasm tonight—that's already plenty. The G-spot is a bonus, and G-spot orgasms make squirting more likely. Don't make vaginal orgasm your goal. Even if you're big and hard, you might make her very uncomfortable, or even cause distress or anxiety. This is something you two reach after your feelings run deep and you've explored very deeply together.
I. How do you work a clitoral orgasm?
The clitoral glans is like a little bean, with extremely dense nerves. The foreskin covers it a bit.
The correct felt goal is: itchy and wanting, engorged, hardened, wanting to be touched more.
How to rub, how to make circles
First warm up and wet the whole vulva, touch the labia majora. After that, what you need to do is first activate the overall state, then touch the labia minora, then stimulate each side of the labia minora separately, then cup your palm over the mons pubis to the vestibule, slowly moving up and down or in big circles. You can also do a round over her underwear first.
The clitoris itself doesn't produce much fluid. The fluid seeping from the vaginal opening, or the lube you squeeze out, needs to be actively brought to the area around the clitoris.
Common and stable techniques:
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Fingertip small circles: index or middle fingertip, making small circles around the clitoral glans, small radius, slow first then steady. Use the fingertip pad, not the nail tip.
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Light up-and-down sweeping: this is a classic move. Generally the clitoris will swell up, and then you can rub it up and down. A very small pendulum motion, like sweeping across the junction of the clitoral glans and foreskin. Don't sweep harder and harder unless her state has passed the plateau phase and is clearly building toward orgasm.
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Whole-finger press with micro-vibration: people who are too sensitive can't stand fingertip point contact, so use a wider finger surface to press against it, small left-right or up-down movements, even pressure, like clicking a mouse.
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Use the foreskin as a cushion: the foreskin can be pushed up a bit, exposing the clitoral glans before rubbing; this will make her more comfortable.
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Pinch both sides with two fingers: occasionally use two fingers to pinch the soft tissue on both sides of the clitoris, gently up and down.
Steady rhythm matters more than fancy moves. When her breathing gets messy, her hips lift, her hand presses yours, or she says don't stop, keep doing exactly what you're doing. Don't suddenly switch routines. Go faster and faster.
Refractory period: right after orgasm the clitoris cannot be touched!!!
After a clitoral orgasm, many people have a refractory period: the clitoral glans is extremely sensitive. Direct rubbing again will sting, make her want to escape, make her yell no. This is a physiological response. If you keep rubbing hard, it's punishment—unless you want to hear her keep yelling no.
At this point, what you should do is:
Completely leave the clitoral glans, switch to touching the inner thighs, lower belly, breasts, hold her and wait for her breathing to even out.
Only take the outer area into your mouth or lightly touch it, touch the labia majora, perineum, avoid the clitoral glans.
If she wants you to put it in, then get ready to insert.
If she recovers and actively presses your hand back, then continue—that means she really wants it. Some people can continue quickly after orgasm, some need a few minutes, some are done for the night.
About the clitoris area
The more aroused she is, the harder and more raised the clitoris becomes, and the foreskin may be harder to fully cover. Darker color and more swelling around it are all normal. Wet sounds are normal too. Being wet only means arousal is rising, not that she has already orgasmed.
If she doesn't moan, it doesn't mean she feels nothing. Some people breathe quietly, some curse you, some laugh. What you need to watch is her waist, hands, breathing, whether her inner thighs are tight. Observe, listen to her body.
II. G-spot orgasm: anterior wall rough area, arm-driven hooking
Many people only know "there's a spot inside," but actually the G-spot isn't a point at all. The G-spot is roughly about 2–3 cm inside the vaginal opening, on the anterior wall near the lower belly. It often feels rougher than the surrounding area, with folds or a spongy texture; the more aroused she is, the more this area tends to swell and the easier it is to find.
The direction you hook should be toward the lower belly, not randomly poking toward the back side.
Hand shape: palm facing up, "come here" hooking
When she's lying on her back, your palm faces up (toward her lower belly), index or middle finger (only discuss two fingers after everything is soaked) enters shallowly, fingertip pad against the anterior wall to find the rough area. Once found, the finger does a "come here" beckoning motion: gently hook, press, and sweep toward the lower belly, like beckoning someone closer.
The G-spot is shallow. If you poke too deep, you're hooking somewhere else, and the anterior wall is left empty. You don't need to go especially deep—it won't feel very good for her.
Power: use your arm to drive your hand, don't just dig with your knuckles
Many people just can't learn this. Relying only on knuckles digging inside—small range, fragmented force, your own hand gets sore, and she only feels scratched, not intense enough.
The power comes from the swing of the forearm/arm. The fingers keep the "come here" hook shape, and the whole arm drives the fingertip pad in a stable hooking or pressing motion on the anterior wall. You can imagine: the knuckles almost hold their pose, and the real work is the arm carrying the hand. Use the arm to drive the wrist. The force should get stronger.
The feeling of needing to pee is common—it's not necessarily really needing to pee
Anterior wall stimulation often brings an illusion of "needing to pee." The bladder is nearby, and nerves cross wires. If she suddenly says "I'm going to pee," you definitely need to ask her, "Do you really urgently need the bathroom, or is it that swollen feeling inside?" For many people it's swelling, stimulation, not actually needing to pee. Don't scare her, and don't force her hard to squirt, "squirt, squirt." If she needs the bathroom, let her go, but make sure you know what it is.
Possible reactions:
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Feels good: hips lift, grabs your hand, breathing messy, tells you not to stop, inner thighs start trembling, body turns red.
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Urge to pee/swelling: common. After communicating, decide whether to continue or switch back to the clitoris.
The G-spot can be a bonus. If she says no inside, then just rub outside—you can still get her soaking wet and get her off.